Day 7: Wedding Day #1

The morning dawned earlier than we would have liked, with the rumble of shifting furniture on the terrace outside our door. This was the sound of Bishakha's many aunties getting ready for the many rituals that preface day one of the three-day ceremonial package. The morning was spent with the priest running up and down the stairs, Bishakha's aunts preparing the ceremonial plates (rice, fried rice doughnuts, etc.). At one point, I was blessed with a tika from the priest - he pressed the colors on my forehead, I respectfully thanked him, and then Bishakha shoved me some money to give him in return. Otherwise, the morning was more or less a blur. (Although I do remember mentioning I wanted pancakes - the cooks said they were out of baking powder/soda (whichever pancakes require when you break the mold and don't just use Bisquick), but then managed to make some pretty decent pancakes all the same!)

After lunch, I was summoned into the living room with Bonu and Bhothu, and we were again given tikas, this time by Bishakha. We were being sent to Sandeep's home, to present him with a wedding invitation and gifts. The invitation was an engraved silver plaque, and the gifts were mainly foods and sweets. Laden with trays, we climb into the cars and drive the five minutes or so to Sandeep's grandmother's home, where he currently lives.

The house is full of Sandeep's relatives, and we're ushered into the sitting room, where we present our trays and are tika'd yet again, this time by Sandeep. After a few awkward moments sitting around, noting the smell of feet (all 25ish of us removed our shoes when we entered the house), most of the guests left the room to get on with their various wedding preparations. After a conversation with Mr. Kunwar (Sandeep's father), an optometrist, about cataracts, we escaped up to Sandeep's room for some tea and conversation before being sent back to the Khadka home. As we left the house, Sandeep whispered, "Tell her I miss her!"

After the delivery of the invitation, the bride- and groom-to-be aren't supposed to see each other until festivities begin the next day. However, Bishakha and Sandeep refused to uphold that tradition, and we sneaked out to run some last-minute errands together. We picked up Sandeep's wedding clothes, a pair of slippers for me, and then on the way back to the house picked up some pane puri for dinner, leaving Sandeep back at his home.

Tommorrow, Bishakha gets married!!!!

Day 6: Wedding Reception #1

The bulk of Bishakha's wedding time was actually spent at receptions. Unlike the Christian tradition, there are two receptions thrown for Nepalese weddings - one thrown by each family, for their friends and loved ones. Bishakha, ever different, actually was having two, however, bringing the total reception count to three. Saturday was the first, and was being thrown for neighbors and the Major's family members, who had travelled from the rural village in which he was born. This reception is just one of many indications that, regardless of high social status, the Khadkas are pretty down-to-earth. Although Nepal still has a strong caste system - Bishakha and Sandeep were lucky to be from the same caste, because otherwise they could not marry - the Major specifically invited the untouchables that live in small shacks nestled between the luxurious walled homes in the area. This is hugely impressive, since traditionally, these individuals (who aren't low-caste - they're actually considered outside of the caste system) aren't allowed to eat with others, especially those of Bishakha's caste.*

First, though, we had to be girls! No shopping today, but we made up for that deficiency with a trip to a beauty parlor. Bishakha had a stylist scheduled to come to the house before the wedding on Monday, but for today, we went to a parlor nearby, recommended by one of Bishakha's aunts. Down one of the narrow streets that characterize Kathmandu, we walked through the door and into a room that was, maybe, as big as my living-room. Crowded in were two hair-styling stations, two massage beds, and two pedicurists, not to mention a "waiting area" that consisted of two chairs in front of the door. While waiting for Bishakha's cut - just like in America, appointments rarely start on time! - we stared at a woman getting her hair dried directly in front of us. She had hideous bright orange highlights, and seemed happy as a clam about the whole thing. Bishakha suggested that she was putting henna over them, which would make them slightly less horrible, but I still would have cried if it was my hair.

While Bishakha had her hair styled for the reception, I had a pedicure, thus continuing my tradition of only pampering my feet while in South Asian countries. My relaxation was punctuated by occasional ripping snores from a naked fat woman who'd fallen asleep (covered, thank goodness) on one of the massage tables, but it was still a peaceful few minutes.

That evening, I got my first taste of Nepalese marriages. Sandeep didn't come, so it was just Bishakha and her friends (i.e. Bonu and me) sitting under a tent to receive everyone who showed up. Her parents and brother were welcoming people to the party, and then sending them our way. I think it was rough on her parents - finally sinking in that their baby girl was getting married - but it was a fun evening.

The traditional wedding gift is money (most auspiciously, an amount ending in one, such as Rs. 101), but some people also brought gifts. Bonu and I were tasked with taking the envelopes containing money, and her 11-year-old cousin soon took over the wrapped tea cup sets, rice cookers, and other unfortunate wedding gifts. (Yet another similarity with American weddings!)

One of the most interesting things, to me, was the Tibetan tradition. Although the majority of Nepalis are Hindu, there are obviously Buddhists there as well, and so a small percentage of the reception guests follow this minority tradition. It was simple to pick the Buddhists out, as they drape the wedding couple and family members (e.g. Bishakha's parents) with white silk scarves in blessing.

After hours of sitting and greeting (and a short break for delicious food), we were allowed to retire for the night, which we spent opening wedding gifts and, thanks to Bhothu, enjoying Nepalese vodka, which was fun only because Bishakha and I started hanging out one night at a hotel in Hanoi, over a bottle of Vietnamese vodka (both Nepalese and Vietnamese miss the "tasteless" mark to which vodkas aspire, by a long-shot). The real ceremonies were to start in the morning, and then Bishakha would officially become A Married Woman.

* I wasn't sure how this caste differentiation was done, but Bonu explained that you can tell by surname - Nepalese culture, like a number of other Asian cultures, has relatively few surnames, so their castes are recognizable. When Bishakha's young cousin, Samar, noticed my professor's name on some papers in her room, he asked if there was a "Goodman caste" that he hadn't heard about.